I don't want to be morose. I wish I was able to celebrate his life, but the feeling of loss is so great. In my car I have my radio tuned to the classical station and it relaxes me while I drive in this town of too many cars. I found myself at a stop light and I just started to cry. Even as I look as his pictures, it is so very painful. When my own Father died, I didn't feel this loss. Of course my Father spent 15 years dying, so it was just a relief to our family.
The above pictures are of my back gate to the horse path...........Luke had wonderful walks back there. When he was younger, he would chase big-eared rabbits, lizards and birds. His last morning on earth he had a most wonderful walk on the trail; going further than he had gone since we arrived. He had a smile on his face until the very end.
My Vet here called when he got the news. Luke died on a Sunday and we ended up taking him to the Vet ER hospital. My gratitude is to Danielle Vasta (house and pet sitter) who within a few minutes was at my door to help me make an accessment. She was calm, made all the right calls, was reassuring and helped us every step of the way. She drove the car while I held Luke in the back. I got to be with him when he passed. My hands were on him and although I was so scared, he knew I was there with him.
I wanted the people who knew Luke, here in Arizona to know of his passing so I put a little memorial out back at the gate. Many people have placed cards in my gate or stopped to speak to me about what a wonderful spirit he is. (Still using present tense)
Calling my neighbor in Kansas was rough. She and Luke loved each other. She is in her 80's and has walked Luke at night for around 8 years. She told me that Luke told her that he wouldn't be coming back to Kansas. He wanted her to take him out back at nightfall. He would look around and survey the hillside, she said, with contentment. Everybody in Kansas within a 5 mile radius knew Luke. He was well loved.........more than some people.
So many people I know have sent emails and cards and called. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really know how much animals are a part of peoples family.
You will also notice a sunflower in this group of pictures. If I need to feel peace and warmth and comfort and joy, I go into the front bedroom here and look at my painting. It's a Judith HEARTSONG original painting ..........above the bed where Luke would lay and wait for me to come home from my errands. That makes me smile.
I'm sorry this has become a sad entry............but my heart.............will never be the same.
"And if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord, my soul to take."
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29 comments:
I know exactly how you feel.
I do know what you're going through. I've missed you. I'm a firm believer that all of our family members -- and I definitely include the pets in that -- are patiently waiting for us when our time comes to cross over. Find comfort in his life and strength in his passing. Hugs and prayers, Linda
Anne
The memorial at the gate to the horse path is a touching memorial to Luke. He will remain in your heart forever. Thanks for sharing this tribute to a wonderful soul with us.
Sam
Dear Anne, Everybody lit up at the sight of Luke. An Embassador of Wonder Dogness he LIVED every day of his life. Know that he still walks with you and I am sure continues to watch over you. You are his Wonder Woman. Only in loving so much can we feel so much loss. A big warm hug. judi
I actually found your entry to be very moving and a wonderful tribute to your Luke. My sympathies for your loss of such a wonderful companion. Estela
I'm so sorry you lost Luke. It is not easy. I'm glad you have good memories and lots of helpful friends. 'On Ya' - ma
It is amazing and wonderful that Luke told your elderly neighbor he wouldn't be back to Kansas. I believe that animals can and do communicate, and that there are some people who understand.
I'm sorry you are feeling so sad ... but if you have to feel so sad, it's because you lived with a wonderful dog who had your heart.
My thoughts are with you; I am writing this through a cloud of tears.....not only because of your sad loss of such a beautiful dog but also because our Sam is quite poorly and we are just praying he will pull through. Luke looked a lovely dog and I am sure he is still with you in spirit.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/aniracj/StrannyDayze/
I didn't see the entry as sad, just the reality of the process, & it sure is a process. Some people love a little more, so it hurts more. It is clear you very much appreciate the good you had with Luke, but you need more time to work through the not so good. Take the time, he was worth it.
~Mary
Awwwwwwww Anne , I am so sorry you are missing Luke, Funny you mentioned about sunflowers, I have 4 packets of sunflower seeds in my bedroom, If you are interested , email me your address and I'll send you a packet of the seeds and you can plant some in memory of Luke, which will grow into beautiful sun flowers , Hugs Lisa
What a beautiful memorial i truly understand your pain i always try to think of the good memories of Charile Brown that's what got me through the pain those memories warmed my heart, made me laugh and cry and i keep tellin' him i love him knowing he is with me in spirit i know Luke is right by your side right now let the tears flow as often as you need those are loving tears for a treasured friend no will ever replace Luke he was a special dog hold on to your heart for that's where he lives forever my heart is with you take it one day at a time hugz~kbear
anne, this was very touching and thank you for sharing it. it is quite alright to miss him so terribly. don't worry about grieving for him, or be ashamed of it; instead be alright with grieving and allow yourself to do so in your own way at your own time. he has been such a great companion for you thru the years and you have every right to contemplate his loss from your life. huggles, debra
In time, Anne, you should be able to smile and be happy when you think of Luke. Grief is a several-staged process, and you aren't done yet. It's way too soon! Luke was a real love for sure :-)
xoxo
It is never easy to part with an animal at the end of its natural life. Given time, you'll count yourself lucky that he went the way he did. So much shines through from your words, Anne.
It's so hard for me to try and express how sad I feel about Luke's passing. The only thing that alleviates my discomfort is the fact that he led a full, happy life and passed away in your arms.
Jimmy
It's okay to have a sad entry, to reflect your sad thoughts and feelings right now. It's going to take time, so grieve the way you need to, and we'll be here when you need us.
Lori
You have every reason to write a sad entry... We are sad when one of our family leaves us. Be sad, miss him.... {{hugs}}
It is always so hard to say goodbye to our pets ~ You have given Luke a good life and he died in your arms ~ I am so sad for you I now how much you will miss him ~ Ally x
(((Anne))); what a wonderful memorial for Luke and it speaks of what a wonderful dog he truly was (although you already know that) that he was so loved not only by you but everyone he met on his journeys with you
allow yourself to grieve as long as you need to for him, even crying at stop lights; I think the world sometimes wants us to give up our grieve sooner than we are ready to
betty
I don't know if I necessarily saw this as a sad entry, I interpreted it more as a heart-felt tribute to a long-time companion who brought a lot of joy to your life. Saying "so long" is never an easy thing, and doing so without a touch of sadness would probably be an injustice to the memory of anyone we've loved so much.
I can imagine now, having my own little guy, that the feelings are intense. For the time being, go right ahead and grieve all you need to. The happy memories will take their place in time.
Love ya
Anne, this is a beutiful tribute to both you and Luke. Over the past few years I have loved sharing Luke with you, through your stories and pictures and your ability to really make Luke a "Wonder Dog". I'm glad that you could be with him until the very end. Know that you are though of daily, with much affection. Paulette
Perhaps sad in feeling, but not sad in celebrating this dear friend's life. Not sad at all, Anne. A loyal, giving, fearless soul ready to enjoy his life for as long as he could, and when his time was spent, he bravely tried to offer YOU comfort. I can picture Luke running through the tall grasses, smiling the way good dogs do, a heart as big as any vessel. His love will survive, in your own heart. CATHY
http://journals.aol.com/luddie343/DARETOTHINK/
OMG, I am so sorry to here the passing of Luke. I know how you feel, we were bought up with several dogs over the years and I remember everyone of them like they were sitting by my side now.
Gaz xxx
Just wanted you to know that I'm still thinking of you and hoping that your happy memories with Luke will permeate your feelings. Paulette
I miss my friend. How are you these days?
Remember all the special times you had with Luke, let them bring comfort to your heart dear. We lossed both our collie girls who were kids to us, but look at the wondrful loving times we shared with them and count ourselves lucky. Would Luke want you feeling so down, I don't think so. Arlene (AJ)
I know we have to find a balance between the loss of our best friend, and the celebration of their life, and I know in time we will be able to remember our babies without crying every time we see their pictures. I know this, because I've been through it before. But it doesn't get any easier, I am sure of that. My dad suffered for five years before he died, so it was a relief to our family that he could finally rest in peace. His last years were a nightmare for him, and physically painful. I too cried more over the loss of my Max than when my own father died. My dad lived far away, I saw him only once a year. But Max lived with me daily for 9 1/2 years. He was everywhere. His marks are all around me: scratches on teh back door where he scratched to let us know he was ready to come in; two tiny muddy marks on my black pants where he last jumped up on me to greet me when I came home. I haven't even washed them yet because I'm not ready t make them disappear; his food bowl, I set as a headstone over his grave; his favorite toy we buried with him, but there were other things he liked to play with; his doggy bed, still under my desk... Misty sometimes comes to lay in it; his dog house outside in the dog pen, where he would go if it rained; the comb I combed him with; his dog leash. Too many things here to remind me of him, yet I can't get rid of them. It's like saying I want him out of my mind, but I don't. I dont' want to forget him. Your Luke had lots of friends... that's a beautiful memorial you made for him. WE'll get through this, we will. Keep posting pictures. I think it helps. love bea
We haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you are doing well.
Lori
Oh Anne....I'm so sorry. I know how much you loved Luke. My heart is broken for you honey.
Love,
Connie
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