As many of you know I have a son who suffers from mental illness.
I also have a younger brother who has brain cancer.
Both of these men have suffered a great deal.
I have watched and prayed. My son is doing OK for now.
My brother, not so much. My Mother and his wife are trying to help.
I wrote this poem because it exposes the inside thoughts of people who suffer from
illnesses. My son is trying to learn to manage his, while my brother is fighting for his own life.
I have a glimpse of myself here and there also, but just a little piece.
Lost In Thought
what does it look like at deaths door
is there a God waiting for us
or demons to abhor
Is it a childs eye view that I long to see
or a forceful ethereal energy that extends
the person I had wished to be
I am left with only hope
that the hell on earth.....
the pain
the anger
the anguish
the disappointment
the betrayals
the self imposed prison
the responsibilities
the ruminations
the carelessness
the rudeness
the restlessness
the audacity
the sleepless nights
the tears swelling in my eyes
the cowardly feelings
the lack of order
the word salad
the manic medications
the downward spirals
the looks of disapproval
the looks of fear
the lack of energy
the no known cure
the grim prognosis
the just count the days until
the just try harder
the just be still............................
that all of these and more
will give way to a peace
that is in store
faith will send me
extend me
release me
free me
from this life
to be the soul
I had always intended to be
I wonder what it looks like
at heavens gate
that all of these and more
will give way to a peace
that is in store
faith will send me
extend me
release me
free me
from this life
to be the soul
I had always intended to be
I wonder what it looks like
at heavens gate
A. Allen 2009
This is dedicated to Matt and Mike.
I love you so very much.
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17 comments:
Wow, you've said it all - with eloquence and uncanny insight. Many of my own feelings have surfaced here......thanks for sharing this very personal elegy, Anne.
No matter how affluent, compassionate, philanthropic, learned,the list could go on~someone is, no matter how strong the desire to alleviate suffering, we are always(most of us)left with the feeling we could do more or could have done better. Loving so very much is perhaps the very best thing to do, maybe even the only thing to do. ~Mary
I'm speechless.
That was just so beautiful. You have said it all well.
I am so sorry to hear about your brother and son's suffering - your writing - your poem is beautifully done and heartfelt.
I've always believed that our tasks in life are never heavier than we were made to carry. Each person's weight to bear is measured as such.
As long as one does one's best, the final tally lies in the hands of the maker.
Although you carry an obviously heavy burden, let the sun also shine on your life as well. It is as important to others who care about your well-being as it will be to yourself.
A verse well written, my dear Anne.
Jimmy
Tears roll for a very beutiful heartfelt poem. well said...and know there is God awaiting the other side of this. hard to say, but this is part of their soul's journey to find God when they're ready. I truly Know. I have found the strength of God as I've come through mine. I love you my friend (i almost wrote you an email just last night). Thank you for posting. Know both of these people are LOVED beyond desricption..as it is with all of us. my heart is with you & your brother & son. i'll keep them in my prayers. Blessings!~kbear
Anne, this is true and beautiful. Wow.
Bless you, Anne. May all those in pain find relief and comfort.
Hello Ann... no I did not know that about your son and brother. So sorry. What a beautiful poem and I understand what you are saying. I feel like God knows the day that He will call me home. Getting older (65)it has become much clearer to me. Trusting and the hope. I have had so many prayers answered. Like a song I heard by Paul Overstreet... the words said (don't know the name of song :( ) Even if God does not give me anything else.. He has already given me enough. Will keep you in my prayers because this must be hard for you. Even with faith things can still be hard. Hugs and prayers, Janie
I like to think that Jesus is at heaven's gate waiting to welcome us home. that was a beautiful, heart-written poem, Anne. Life here on earth is hard and not what God would have wanted for us before Adam/Eve sinned, but we do have that hope of eternity with Jesus for those who believe :) That very hope has carried me through some dark days; if I didn't have it, I know I would have never been able to pull it together. As you know, there is something so much better for eternity, a very long time, in heaven with Jesus for his followers :)
in the meantime, we persevere and do the best we can.....
hugs to you Anne!
betty
The "just count the days until.." so well said. Most touching prose, heart-felt and in the moment. What empathy you have, bless you for sharing it.
Beautifully profound! As Mary said the list could go on...I've always said Life is almost always never fair, we even up the odds with love.
I know I've had those days of being trapped within my own mind (Silence does that to you...) but I rail against the prison to hope for something more, something solid at the end of this journey.
My thoughts are with you dear friend, along with your brother and son. If only love were truly enough to turn the tide. (Hugs)Indigo
Such a touching read,will keep Matt and Mike in my prayers. Bless you all.
Any more good prose coming from you soon? Usually when someone enjoys something they'd love to get more lol. :-)
How are you Anne? You're missed!
I've been thinking about you and your brother and wondering how he's doing. That's a very beautiful poem Anne! Thank you for sharing it with us.
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