In Loving Memory of Evelyn Perry Allen

My Guest Speaker is my husband...............

This is a story of my mother, her suicide and how it has affected our family. In January of 1969 during my senior year of college, I was awakened by to the news that my mother had taken her life. My younger brother had found her hanging in the garage. (To this day, I worry about my brother) We all had veriable reactions, ranging from anger, shock to denial and guilt.

  Over the years we have collectivly buried it as a non-issue, as if it never happened. It has been the proverbial "turd in the punchbowl" which everybody ignores. Individually each has dealt with this in their own private way, but never, ever discussed.

  For myself I have supressed it for many years with episodic reminders which evoke shame, guilt and painful memories.

  She was a women who had 6 children, with little emotional support from a very detached husband. She sacrificed her own life for the benifet for her 6 children.  With only an 8th grade education, she worked as a practical nurse at minimun wage and also maintained the home under impoverished conditions. Her primary concern was that her children be educated to have a better life. She also made sure that all of us were regulars at church. She enjoyed life by observing her childrens success. She often walked 3 miles to work and back, while my father stayed at home with the car.

  We all knew something was wrong with her emtionally during her later years, but did not understand the full scope of depression. In retrospect, she had become obsessed and tormented reguarding my fathers probable extramarital involvements. She had been briefly on a mild tranquilizer to no avail. She was completely alone in her private hell. She would often walk the floors, ringing her hands during the night. 

  Not a day passes that I don't think of her. I frequently wish she were here so I could take care of her both emotionally and monetarily. I know she would be extremely proud of all her 6 children. Everything that we are and hope to be, we owe to her selfless sacrifies. 

  I recently visited hergrave in a small cemetary in rural Kentucky. I was consoled by knowing she was eternally at peace and rest, at home with her LORD.

  Depression is an insidious brain disorder. It robs one of life and its joys. True depression can be recognized and treated but requires support and advocacy by a loved one or close friend.

  Survivors of those who have taken their lives also need support, love and understanding as they are also victims of depression. If you suffer from depression please seek help from a qualified psychiatrist. The treatments of today are so much more advanced than of the past.

  Mental illness is a no fault illness, just like any other medical disorder.

  My Mother remains my hero.................................

                                         James V. Allen M.D.