1. My father suffered from a mental illness and alcoholism. (I am sure his father also had these issues.) He was born at home in a "holler" in Kentucky. Extreme poverty would have been a step up! My Dad lived to be 81 yrs of age.
2. My father's mother died when my Dad was 9 months old from the Spanish Flu Influenza. She had 8 other children besides my father. She was in her mid 20's when she died and was buried in an unmarked grave.
3. My father was on his own when he was 12 or 13 yrs of age. Only having less than an 8th grade education, he was able to provide a living as a government employee for his family.
4. My father was known to become very angry, very quickly. I remember my mother and I hiding from him.
5. My father physically abused my mother and brother, but the verbal abuse was much worse. The scars are still present, but hidden deep. My father constantly picked on my brother from a very young age. He would call him "queer" and taught the dog to attack him. He also broke his hand once....maybe more bones.....I really don't know how my brother survived into adulthood.
6. My father could make a sailor blush with his cussing.
7. My father had a great sense of humor, albeit inappropriate at times.
8. My father got to travel through his work and in the service. He always enjoyed traveling....the journey. Once he got someplace he immediately wanted to go home.
9. My father had affairs outside of his marriage to my mother, his third wife. There is a good possibility that he has fathered a child outside of that marriage. My mother would discover these things and share them with me.
10. My father always inquired about my children and Grandchildren. He seemed genuinely concerned.
Now the interesting part of this is HOW could he be any different than what and who he was? If these are inherited traits, (from both sides of my family) then does this mean that my sons have them? My sons have dealt with these demons and acknowledge them. They are the first generation that knows the facts and have taken measured in their lives to correct certain behaviors. For THAT, I am immensely and FOREVER grateful.
Thanks Mosie (My Country Life) for making me think. It's been a good mental exercise.
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12 comments:
Are we related? Some of the things you said about your dad are true about my own.
~~Kath~~
Your dad and mine had several things in common, although Mother and I never found it necessary to hide from him.
It's important that we acknowledge our roots, even if we don't like them that much.
Well done.
interesting thoughts to ponder, Anne. Glad your sons could acknowledge these things and make changes so that subsequent generations will be healthier ones. I never knew my dad sinice he died when I was 17 months old.
betty
thanks for sharing...i found change comes along when we first take that first step and own up to our "illnesses" or whatever i'm happy to see your sons taking those first steps hugz~kbear
Excellent question, Anne. How much is genetic, how much is environmental .... and how much, if any, can be prevented? Having dealt with these issues with various family members, I've always wondered these same things myself. I feel lucky to live in a time when this subject is finally being discussed and addressed. Our parents really didn't have these options. Thanks for sharing. I'm sure there are plenty of people out here who can relate. Tina
You did a great job raising your children, Anne, and it's wonderful that they are trying to go above their genetics :)
xoxo
I,too, wonder how much is genetic and how much environmental. I am sorry your childhood was so abusive-surviving abuse can be so difficult. And, yes, thank Goddess we live in a more enlightened, educated time. You must have done a good job that your sons can understand and grow. Margo
I think it was a good thing, as well. Helps to look at things in a different perspective now and then.
Jimmy
I definitely need to do this exercise. My mind
is forever clouded with the negatives when it
comes to my Dad. There were good times.
I need to try to remember those.
Connie
Honey, THAT wasn't a Mental Exercise, it was a Dadgum Exorcism. And I am so proud of you...cause' it was a Very Brave Thing to do.
Much Love,
ANdi
Thanks for sharing. many things about your father sound a lot like mine. My dad was also from the hills of Kentucky. His family moved enmasse to Michigan when he was, I dont know how old. He was also a womanizer, drinker and marrried multiple times. I have at least six half-siblings I have never met. I didn't meet my dad until I was 22 and he tried to have sex with me a year later. I think he is still alvie in Michigan, about 85 now. Paulette
In the short time I have been sober I have learned that while I may be a product of my environment, my environment is NEVER an excuse for behaving like a jerk.
Love, Leslie
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