Yesterday was a long day. It started sleeting last night and continued throughout the day and now we have a combination of sleet, freezing rain, frozen fog and throw a crap storm in there and I think we've about covered it.
Inside I am safe and warm and am in shock at the number of people who have sent me a comment or an email about our son. I am overwhelmed and so touched. Thank you Mary, you've touched my heart deeply.
First an update. My son is in the hospital and he called today. He hasn't seen the doctor yet, although he has been admitted. With the ice storm I don't know when the doctor will get there, hopefully he has seen him by now or at least tomorrow. At least I know where he is and that he is safe. He called and wanted to "talk" to us so he could get on with his life. (wouldn't we all like that?) The Doctor needs to see him before we talk.
When he realized he had to go to the hospital,he was terrified. He pleaded with us. I really felt for him. Reasoning doesn't work.........ya can't reason with somebody who is ill and they don't think they are ill. The spooky thing was the television was on and he was watching a program that was talking about mental illness. I think he thought he would go to the hospital and then convince people he was just fine and get to go home. This happens so often that I just can't begin to tell you. The police escorted him to admitting with my husband following. The police were absoulety wonderful.
This isn't his first time to be hospitalized but I can tell you that it just doesn't get easier, for ANYBODY involved, the more times you have to do it. What happens is everybody involved just thinks, "How many more times do I have to go through this?""How many more times do I have the energy, the courage or even the will to go through this?" I know even Matt feels this way. It must be awful to have these delusional, ruminations inside your brain. It's like the "wires" are all criss-crossed. I understand people on all sides who just give up, who say to themselves, screw it.........I just can't do it anymore. It takes so much energy to fight it on all sides. Then you better know exactly what to say and how to say it in order to get a loved one admitted into the hospital. Doc and I have had training in this, but it is his tenacity that sees it though.
One time he spent all day bailing him out of jail and then driving him to a hospital only to be told, "You have to wait out here sir!" They took Matt in another room and asked him if he was a threat to himself or others. What do you think his answer was? "No, I just want to go home!" After that time, we knew we had to educate ourselves and try to help others to be able to work the system and try not to give up. Nobody said it would be easy, but people don't realize just how difficult it truly is. Time and time again.
I also want to comment on Doc's church. In this area of the country we have the super churches. The minister at this church is loved by all. Doc was at a meeting to turn over all material about mental illness to a new assistant minister who handles these things. Seems as though, they do not want any program about ANY mental illness taught there. The one we teach has been approved by the National Assoc. for Mental Illness. We had such good reception for these workshops. Ok, so they don't want to do it anymore. I don't like it, but it's their decision. So, here's the kicker, Doc told the pastor what he was going to be doing yesterday.....with our son and his illness. Do you think ONE single person out of a congregation of 14,000+ people have called? I am betting they won't ever call. If our own communities, politicians, schools and churches won't recognize the crushing blow this has to everybody involved, what then?
Here I am writing this and I look at the number of people who have reached out to comment or pray for Matt.......strangers, in a sense, who really seem to care. Once more, my heartfelt thanks. It makes me very sad for the focus of churches and the responsibility they feel they do not have. Even Jesus took in the ill, the whores, the worse of society. It hasn't shaken my faith, but I can say, it doesn't make me like churches very much. You don't have to be a member of a church to know right from wrong. Life goes on........................... Today is my other sons birthday. He will have to be content (and he is) with a phone call.
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34 comments:
Anne, when Cliff had his open-heart surgery, I was amazed at the outpouring of caring comments from J-land. Yes, family members cared. But more and more, I'm finding out that the "churches" care only for our presence so they can boast about big numbers, or our $$$. King David said, in Psalms 142:4: "I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul."
I never thought I'd feel this way about organized religion; but I do feel better knowing that the psalmist David felt the same way.
Glad to hear he's where he's safe i pray that some day something will help him realize his illness and the true reality of it my moment came 9yrs ago in the VA hospital when i finally got the message and took hold to get better trust me, i KNOW the madness of it all i applaud you for staying with him and sticking this out so are we not in our right logical mind when in the midst of our mental illness and we don't know it i keep you all in my prayers Hugz to all of you God bless!~kbear
I am so glad your faith has not moved. Churches have changed from what they were supposed to be to something more modern, more pop, something more politically correct. It's such a shame. Just know that you are not going through all of this alone. People were sent to show you love and compassion even if they aren't from the church building there. I've been so hurt by churches too. Right now, I have custody of my four year old granddaughter because my 28 year old daughter sounds and acts very much like the way you describe your son. She is untreated and in denial about having a problem and of course if she does, everything is my fault. You are far more educated than I am so far. Many people reading this are being educated and will have courage to do what needs done when the time comes because you are brave enough to tell the world about your life and what is going on. Please keep writing about this and never stop. Alot of my heartache with two of my grown children I could never put in public.
Thank you and may God Bless you and strengthen you,
NELISHIA
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/PRAYINGANDBELIEVING/
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/CROCHETED-CREATIONS/
I've put your journal on my alerts and will continue to pray for your son and you and your family as you go through this difficult time. 'On Ya' - ma
I don't know what to say....I was married to a man like this and our child is the same way and its compounded with autism.
I am lucky kinda sorta because I've been severely depressed and had a nervous breakdown so as odd as it sounds....I know what is going on in there (his head).
Its not easier, but I get through it most days. Still I live in fear of just this. He is 14 years old now and bigger than me. Its getting harder and harder to manage his behavior and to make him understand what is really going on when he is manic.
I feel so much for you....I will pray for you when I pray for him.
I am so glad you have faith....sometimes its the only thing that gets you through.
I thought I left a comment but I guess good ole aol ate it....I have read back the last few entries and hope you and your family get some relief soon....As for your church? been there done that sadly......I have your journal on alerts :)
Kelly
i am so impressed with your experience yesterday with the police. i am also impressed in the most favorable way possible with your sharing this with us, kudos anne, kudos. i know that these next hours, these next days, these next weeks and months will be heartrending for you and doc and all concerned. i'm very glad that he has you for a mom. love, debra
I'm glad you haven't given up on your faith because your church has (basically) turned their back on you. I don't understand why they'd stop the workshops, or why they (seem to) feel that they should just sweep it under the rug. Sad! I myself don't know what to say, what advice to offer, or how to offer comfort, since I've never dealt with it myself, but I can tell you that I will keep you in my prayers, I know you are having a time with this, and I know it must be taking alot out of you... stay strong, keep the faith, and know that you have friends who really care in J-land!!! Hugs to you!!!
Joann
Organized religion.... The community is supposed to be a support when you need it, but often it turns out that they are not. AND, it seems the bigger the church, the less support they offer. <sigh> Too bad that it is that way, but it often is.
I'm continuing to keep you and your family close in my thoughts.
you do not know me at all....ask Mary about me.... but i could talk to you at length about depression but i do not really know just how you can be so strong and deal with the horror and confusion of what your son goes thru. If, at some time, you'd like in my private journal, let me know. I began going to church last Dec after 20 yrs of not going and i go to the biggest church in my city and hardly no one has reached out to me. I keep on going. I am VERY upset with your church.....i also work with a man who says he is a Christian but judges all.....yet i keep remembering that Jessie befriended even a prostitute.
HUGS,lisa jo
I'm optimistic about Matt's prognosis -- and you know me ... I'm NEVER optimistic! I hope that's a good sign!!
xxxxx
Russ
That sounds like some bad weather. It is pretty and warm here in AL the last few days and going to be 79ยบ today. We need rain desperately though. I pray that your son gets the help he needs. As a mother I can feel your worry,your sorrow, and your hopes. Prayers going up for all of you. Hugs, Helen
Anne, you know it's going to get tougher before it gets better. Don't be surprised by the support you have had from J land. We are real people, with real problems. The people in those super churches are mostly fakes.
I have suffered from severe depresion in the past so in a way know how your son feels even though his problem is different. I also kow the pain I put my familiy through when I was commited. He feels your pain too.
Try and be strong even though I know it's hard for you.
Gaz xxxxx
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I also want to comment on Doc's church. In this area of the country we have the super churches. The minister at this church is loved by all.
This minister is not there to be loved by all....he is there to bring his community together to express and show their love and care for each other through the love of God.
It doesn't sound as though he is doing a good job for his parishioners, just that he is getting a pat on the back for his charisma. How sad that he is not teaching love of his fellow man to his parish.
There are many, many good people in this world. They just need the right encouragement to come out and help each other. Even in your husband's church.
Mostly encouragement is all that is needed to motivate kind hearted people. Just as you have seen here on AOL journals.
We too had sleet and snow yesterday, Saturday, I haven't ventured out today to see how cold it is.....but I can guess. Lol!
Take care...I'm keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless
Jeanie
Anne, my thoughts and prayers are with you; I am afraid I gave up on the church when my father had alzheimers (unfortunately it was the genetic form and I have been warned I am at risk also).....I also gave up on some family members who treated him with total disrespect, he was still the man they knew and loved but he just could not remember them! Mental illness is so cruel and does not care who it takes (I work for the Health Service here and the trust I work for is predominantly mental health). Please wish your other son a happy birthday for me; take care my friend and I hope your weather improves so that the doctor can get to see Matt as soon as possible.
Anne
I gave up on organized religion many years ago after doing a three year stint as a producer/director at a Christian television broadcasting network. Let me take a wild guess ... the preacher at this Super Church drives a very expensive car and lives in a huge expensive house. Yeah, thought so. These Super Churches aren't really very super, are they? I am more religious today than I ever was while attending one of those.
I am glad Matt is in the care of professionals now and hope the doctor can get there soon to evaluate him. My heart goes out to your family, Anne, and yes, I am keeping you all in my prayers and thoughts. Sending Birthday wishes to your other son!
Sam
I had to have one of my friends commited after I found her rocking back and forth in the closet while her toddlers had destoyed the house around her....it was terrifying but she thanks me every day for it..
hugs
Lyn
Wishing you strength on the long road ahead.
Guido
http://journals.aol.co.uk/pharmolo/NorthernTrip
Anne,
I'm another one who lost faith in churches. When something happens and the one group you would have thought would be there and then isn't -- it's like salt on an open wound, very sad.
You have my continued thoughts and prayers.
Martha
Anne - I DO know what it's like to have to commit someone. I had to do it in my job, and it surely does take a lot of knowledge and know-how to be able to fill out the forms correctly to keep the person who needs help where they need to be. In our state, it's "a danger to self, a danger to others, or unable to meet daily needs." Then two doctors do an interview, and both have to agree that the person needs to be kept for at least 3 days. It's a horrifying experience for all. I have also found most police officers will do the transporting and do it with compassion and caring for all involved. I am sorry you or anyone else has to go through this. Your son is very lucky that he does not have to rely on unknown social workers to fill out his paperwork and see that he gets the treatment he needs. I wish the best to you and to all your family. Illness is illness, mental or physical, and we do what we have to do to try to help ourselves and others. You are a wonderful woman, Anne!
xoxo
Mental illness seems to be the "quiet illness". No one wants to talk about it, not the people who are ill, sometimes their families, their churches, society...why?? Because we all have at least one person who is afflicted, but its safer (for who?) to ignore it and hope(?) that it goes away, or other people won't notice (because it may reflect on ourselves?) It truly takes courage to do what you are doing...not because you are strong, but because you are weak, and you need help. How many people can admit to that weakness? It is in our lowest moments that God does His greatest work. Hang in there...take care...
xoxo ~Myra
listen i don't know you but i do hope that your song gets soo much better and trust me i will pray for him good luck
I wouldn't put much faith in organized religion either, just plain ole folks who care, like people here, like yourself. Happy birthday to your son! CATHY
They don't want any program about mental illness even though a doctor/parishnor wants to present it for them? Lets ignore the mentally ill & those in need; seems the wrong interpretation of Christianity to me. You are teaching us all so much. Thank you & know we all care & are sending the best possible vibes to your whole family. ~Mary
Sending prayers and best wishes to you and yours. I'd like to say I'm shocked and/or surprised at the reaction at your church but I'm not. I'm going through a time right now myself with organized religion. It's been a major part of my life for over 30 years and now I find myself struggling. Course, my Daddy always said you don't have to go to church to be a good christian! I do hope your son is able to come home sooner rather than later. God bless, Linda
My cousin Alan suffered with schizophrenia for most of his adult life. In and out of mental institutions, suffering one setback after another. His parents did what they could, but they are the type of people who aren't really fond of psychiatry, or psychiatric medications. Alan took his own life about two years ago, and I truly believe it was because he didn't have the loving care that he needed from his family. You and Doc are great parents who are suffering right along with your son. You love him unconditionally, and are willing to do things, even if they are hard to help him. To me, that makes both you, and Doc phenomenal people.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Anne.
Love you,
Connie
I am thankful Anne that you got him admitted. I would need at least two hands, probably more, to count the number of times I've had the local PD come to the clinic where I worked, or to my office, determine (with me) that this person is a danger to himself and have that person transported over two hours to the county mental health hospital - only to have them released within an hour. On one occasion I drove the client to the local ER because she had od'd so much she wasn't coherent. She managed to pull herself together enough in the ER to refuse service and they wouldn't see her, even though she was passing out sitting in the waiting room.
Perhaps the cold, stormy, icy weather is a way for you to cocoon for awhile, stay warm, hole up and take good care of yourself. Irish coffee and a bubble bath, my girl, that should help a lot. Paulette
I'm thankful that your son is hopefully going to get the help he needs, know this has to be so hard on your family when a loved one is going through something like this, but you did what had to be done for everyones safety. How sad the church doesn't want to even acknowledge that an illness like this has touched someone in their church family....I'd be looking for another church. I understand what you are going through, my brother has had several severe bouts with depression and needed to be confined until they were able to get him on the right treatment. Just take it one day at a time and hopefully he'll realize he needs help and has to stick with the program to enjoy life.
Happy birthday to your other son.
God bless you all.....Arlene (AJ)
Happy Belated greetings to 'your other son'. I do hope this finds Matt having seen the doc by now and you and your husband having a breath of fresh air.
I agree, you don't have to be church-going to know right from wrong. I'm a bit stunned that as of this post no one from your church has called you. That just doesn't seem all that ... er ... supportive.
What I've learned about mental illness is that when someone is stricken, it's very easy for people to run, hide from it, ignore it. While we'd never condemn someone who's suffering from cancer, the mentally ill are so often shunned and dismissed. The victim has no choices in the matter; no one would ever choose to be ill. And when a disease like this strikes close to home, the world can become a very small, lonely place.
The best thing that can happen to a mentally ill patient is someone who loves them, and who has the fortitude to take the steps necessary to find treatment for them. These people rarely seek help for themselves because that's part of the evil of mental diseases.
Your son is very fortunate that you're able to see that his sense of reason is diminished, and that you've stepped forward to take up his cause. Hopefully the treatment is successful, the recovery swift, and you get your son back as best you can.
Love ya Anne.
Jimmy
It's good to hear from you. I hope they are able to help your son, and that he will accept the help. And you and Doc hang in there, too!
Lori
I can relate to your entry...
Just by your comments alone it seems there is a lot of people who care about you...
This entry touched my heart deeply.
~Jaime
www.chasenkids.org
My heart and prayers are with you and yours. xoxo CATHY
What a shame about the church...in so many ways. Why don't they see that education regarding mental illness is SO important. It's not something to be afraid of, it's something that needs to be understoon and handled compassionately.
Again, my heart is with you and your family. I know it's a month later now. I pray things are better.
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