I watched in horror as the people came running out of the mall in Omaha yesterday. I realize that this young man was consumed with mental illness. This does NOT excuse his behavior. I know people are going to ask, WHY? Why did he do this? Did he do it because his parents kicked him out of the house? Did school fail him? Did his girlfriend tick him off? Was he not understood?
No, he was not understood. How can rational sane people understand profiles in mental illness. It's not easy for the friends and family of people who are enveloped with severe anguish and the pain of mental illness. First of all, you can NOT think like a sane person, to understand their thought process, one must think like a particular illness.........if you are manic then realize that there are racing ruminating thoughts that continue and you can't sleep. If you are paranoid then realize that the person can't be talked out of paranoia. Sometimes our loved ones will having so many racing thoughts that when they try communicating it comes out in "word salad" making no sense at all to those around but shocking many by the abusive language.
Lots of times when you have depression, people think you just lie around all day doing nothing. Just get up and pull yourself up by your bootstraps is the thought process of many. Well, as Dick Cavett once said, "You could tell me there is a pill on the table 10 feet from me that would solve my problem of lethargy and depression for life but I would tell you that I do NOT posses the energy to go pick it up and take it!" Depression manifests itself it other ways also. Arguments and anger can be signs of depression.
One of the biggest misconceptions of mental illness is that people who have these illnesses are mentally retarded. I know, it's mentally challenged........the politically correct term. I have a son who has a IQ that is off the charts but he has not been able to ever hold a job. He is not stupid, although he thinks that I think he is.
Currently my son is in a manic phase. It must be wonderful, according to those who experience mania, to feel the highs. Our best singers, comedians, television figures, authors and neighbors, LOVE the mania and are able to accomplish much. Then they go home to the darkness. The hole, the troll, the empty, the hopelessness, the continued negative thoughts, the ruminations, the HELL that people go through are beyond our comprehension. I watched an Oprah show once and a women described the mania. She is a famous black actress who is so very bright. She said there was no such thing as anger. She went from happy to madness in the blink of an eye. I understand this as I have witnesses this. The thing one must do who is on the receiving end of this is do NOT anger or argue with this person. Speak calmly, do not look them in the eye and ask them to leave and call the police the first change you get, even if you have to excuse yourself to the bathroom.
Right now I have a son who is very ill. He is manic and I have a 8 page letter telling me how screwed up we, his parents, are. My heart breaks, he genetically is this way. I'm so very sorry for him, but I can't fix it, my money can't fix it, my mind can't fix it, his children can't fix it and churches can't fix it. Only he can..........but what will happen to make him change? What will have to take place for him to go back on his meds? He refuses to see his doctors.
Again, I think of the young man who went on the shooting spree. My heart aches for his parents and those close to him. My heart aches for his victims also. As long as society does NOT address this issue, it will continue, in our workplace, it our schools and at malls, at post offices and at your local 7/11.
I have a friend who lost her daughter yesterday. Not because of the shooting in Omaha, but because of a melanoma. Shewas only 37, married with two small kids. It's Christmas and I prepare to go to a funeral.
It seems as though the world is mad. Some things God just can't answer.
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23 comments:
You know, Cliff's cousin called me yesterday evening and said she wondered if God sent people like that shooter to a special place in hell. I told her the kid was mentally sick, and I believe God takes that into account. After thinking about it, she agreed.
It must be difficult for you to see something like the Omaha tragedy. I agree with you so much. We are given certain things in life that doesn't seem to make any sense, yet we have to cope with it. One thing that I'm sure of is the fact that someone of your character and strength will always have the wherewithall to handle each situation that you are presented with. God Bless !
Jimmy
Anne
This must have been a very difficult entry for you to write. You are right in your argument and your points are valid. My heart goes out to you and all of the parents everywhere who have children suffereing from this debilitating desease. I have witnessed this first hand and it is not pretty. Compassion wells up inside me, but to no avail. Unless they go back on the meds, there is little hope. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.
Sam
sweet anne,
i'm sorry that this is so painful for you and that your son does not seem to have taken much responsibility for his own actions (omitted and committed). regardless of his illnesses, his actions are still his own and only he can claim responsibility for them. this entry addresses many of my own thoughts about mental illnesses and responsibility.
http://journals.aol.com/dkb11161970/DebrasDose/entries/2006/04/18/miffed-moussaoui-mentally-ill/1147
i will say that while others seem to find depression the worst aspect, i abhor mania. my usual manic state bypasses hypomania and goes into hyperdrive with little to no dalliance along the way. my few suicidal periods have been while in the throes of mania, because the wired thrumming humming screeches thru my nerves and my blood boils and my hyperaware rawness heightens the colors and the scents and the sharp angles of shadows hurt me. and yet, i have made no suicide attempts, because that way lies insurmountable danger and doom.
my hope for you is that you have a measure of peace, calmness, serenity that you can rest in. love you muchly, debra
My heart goes out to you...you're right that you can't do much for your son he has to want it mental illness is pure madness with no sense to it when you're in it your son has to want to help himself as i had to do so with my mental illness i keep you and your son in my prayers God bless to the family and friends who lost her take care HUGZ~kbear
Dear Anne, I am so sorry that you and your son are struggling with this mental illness. My heart goes out to you. I grew up with my Mom going in and out of "hospitals" my whole life. She was fine while taking her meds, then convince herself that she was fine and didn't need to take her meds. What a cycle. For a long time as an adult, I was terrified that I would "break down" and find I had inherited it. I was lucky enough to have taken after my Dad. It's such a helpless situation. God bless you and strengthen you. Love you, Linda
I'm so very sorry seems quite inadequate right now.(((((((Anne)))))))~Mary
Oh, Anne, I know this sounds terrible, but what a beautifully written, informative entry. I am sorry to hear about your son, and all you and he are going through. I know that it affects you nearly if not more so than it affects him.
I suffer from panic attacks/anxiety, and I know that, to try and explain to others the whys and whatnots of why I have them.. well.. they can't understand. If you have not experienced some form of "mental illness", you can't understand how that person is feeling. Most of the time THEY don't even understand it.
You and your son are in my prayers...
~hug~
Jackie
http://journals.aol.com/siennastarr/Hopefloats/
Anne, I know about mania, a friend of mine suffers from it. He's a very talented artist that acomplishes much in this state of mental euphoria. My heart goes out to you as parents of children like that suffer along side them. Helpless as there is nothing you can do.
My heart goes out to you and the family of your friend who lost her daughter.
Hugs, Gaz xxxx
I am so sorry... bipolar is a tough disease...
be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
Anne,
Mary sent me... thoughts and prayers are being sent for him and all those who love him... I have a son who has anger problems... he is 26... so hard... I blamed myself for so long but now I know I truly was a wonderful parent no matter what he says... His issues are his issues and I see that now... Its hard on a Mother tho... Please know you have friends here in J-land...
Hugs Kendra
Sending love, prayers, blessings...prayers for someone's hand to hold while you go through this.
Traci
You and your son are remembered in prayer, Anne. Know today was extremely difficult for you--but you have to remember, you ARE helping him. Hugs, LaVern
Oh, Anne -- you feel the hurt around you (close and far), and I know how crippling that can be at times. Please take care.
honks,
Russ
Anne, your bucket of burdens seems to be overflowing. I too have watched a child withering from depression, unable to fix it, frustrated, hurt, angry at times and, oh, so very helpless feeling. Mothers are supposed to be able to kiss away all of life's little boo boos and it feels like failure when we cannot - even when our heads tell us it is not out fault.
I'm thankful there is a God, whoever that is, to help carry the burdens thrust upon us in this very real world. I like the poem of the footsteps in the sand, where God is walking with man, leaving two sets of prints. When things get tough the foot prints become one set and the man asks why God desserted him them. God's reply was that he carried him at that time. I like the image. Imagine that even with all the pain and hurt you are being carried in your Gods' arms. Peace. Paulette
I hope regaining a regular medication routine will return Matt home soon. It makes me angry when I hear people talking about solutions to mental illness and depression when they have never been there. Your words are so true.
Stay strong!
Hello,
Mary [frankandmary] sent me your way. I am glad you are seeking to raise awareness of mental health problems, particularly in the wake of that tragic incident in Omaha earlier this week. I have read your following entry, and want to commend you on your courage in having your son involuntarily committed for treatment. I know a few people who have suffered manic depression, and your description is a carbon copy of their experiences. I'll highlight your journal as well.
Best wishes from Scotland,
Guido
http://journals.aol.co.uk/pharmolo/NorthernTrip
Anne, this was a very moving entry.
Lori
Mary (frankandmary) had your link in her journal. I don't have any wise words just my heartfelt empathy for you but also for your son. I've spent most of my life wrestling with clinical depression and your words ring so true about the inablity of most people to fully appreciate that mental illness is not an act and not something that a person chooses for himself or herself. I admire your courage in having your son committed. You are no doubt saving his life.--SHeria
http://journals.aol.com/aimer/on-my-mind/
i'm so sorry to read about this...mental illness is as hard on families and friends as it is on the patient. my sister is bipolar.
your whole family is in my prayers. i hope matt gets back on a regimen that stabilizes him.
best wishes,
mara
This is such a cogently written, long overdue collection of the myths and facts behind mental disease. Some still believe clinical depression is a character flaw. I endured it, I know. Still do. Your words rang with honesty and the value of a human being no matter how hurt. The boy was positively in anguish. His only escape was, not suicide, because I believe most want to live just not in that pain, but he escaped into notariety, in his own words "Now I'll be famous!" and if only someone noticed him a bit more while alive he still would be. Thanks Anne, you put so much in its true perspective. CATHY
I'm sorry I haven't been by long before this. I will read on and hopefully, you will have some encouraging news. My daughter is emotionally unstable, and that is difficult enough for everyone around her. I cannot fully imagine what you are trying to cope with here. My heart is with you.
I didn't realize i was this far behind in your journal, Anne. I am so sorry! I am sorry for your son and hope he is in a better state of mind now. I am sorry for your friend's daughter and the loss you all feel.
xoxo
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