CRAP AFICIONADO

CRAP Aficionado................(part1)
Living part of the year in the desert of Arizona, I have leared a few things.

I only have a 14 ft. backyard, but on the other side of the fence there is a

horsepath/trail and the Indian reservation. (insert Dixie Chicks singing

Wide Open Spaces) I don't feel so closed in and there have been times in

the past  that I 'm really gald there IS a fence and gate that separates me

from a few of the wilds that roam. This simple iron fence has not kept

everything out and on occasion has kept some things, such as roaming

petites, inside.
  While walking the trails with some guests once, we came upon .......let's

just call it what is was........errrrrr, shit!  Having thought it was from 

domestic animals, I assured them it was from a group of javelina. It

certainly wasn't horse and it certainly wasn't coyote. How do you know,

they asked? Well it took awhile, but after you have lived here for a few

years and walk the walk, you get to see them up close and personal.
  I have a motion detector light that shines when something is behind my

home and on the path. This winter it kept going off and finally I decided to

go out and check what was back there. I had the dog and the big

flashlight beside me, well, Luke, the Wonder Dog, was BEHIND me

actually. At first I didn't noticed anything and then I heard Luke snort. It

was an odd snort, and come to think of it, I haven't ever heard Luke snort

and the snort was in front and to the side of me. Taking another quick

inventory, Luke (smart Wonder Dog) was behind me. OK, Anne, where is

that snort and who is snorting? That is when the motion lights and the

flashlight caught a herd of javelinas behind our home, on the horsepath. 

The alpha male stood guard while the rest of the herd finished their

bathroom duties.  It was fun watching them from MY side of the fence.

The babies were the first to scurry into the desert wash with the mothers

following close behind them. Did I mention that they really stink? (and

that was before their poop) Yep, that's how you can tell they are close, ya

smell 'em first. I counted 11 of them. I learned they usually roam around a

4 mile area. We have since our of brief encounters, always respecting each

other. I think the fence has a LOT of do with that, since the females have

charged other walkers when they get too close to them while the babies

are near.
  I could go on and explain how I learned to identify other critters poops,

but why bother, you get my point.  
The past several weeks, since the full moon actually, I have noticed

humongous owl crap.  I have even spotted the owls on several ocassions.

There are other large birds out at night, circling the queen palms that

grace our subdivision. I don't know what kind they are but it's like a dance

they do and only seeing them from underneath, I can tell you they have a

pattern to their wings that look like big ole' eyes. They are NOT the ones

that have produced the bird poop, they aren't nearly as large as the owls

that I have spotted.
  The bobcat inside my backyard was bodaciously beautiful. I haven't

noticed any bobcat litter boxes, though I am sure they are clean and cover

their poo.
  The things that really scare me either don't poop, poop privately, or scare

the poop out of me. The western diamondback rattlesnake only shook his

tongue at me and that was enough to call the fire dept. for immediate

removal. Somebody asked, "How big was it?"  Does it matter (?) was my answer,

besides, I was too busy watching the hunks, errr, I mean firemen, relocate

the snake. He is now enjoying his new home 20 feet over my backyard

fence in the wash behind my house. Looking on the bright side, I haven't

noticed any desert mice or pack rats.
  The other night after enjoying our snake-free walk, Luke and I came into

our nice a/c home....Luke heading to his water bowl while I headed to the

kitchen. We were so thirsty I could hear Frankie Lane singing ...."Cool,

Clear Water." I decided to turn on the overhead light and get myself a nice

glass of cool clear water. That is when I noticed it...........I didn't have

time to do anything but pick up speed and jump on it. I could hear and

feel it crunch under my foot. Thank GOD, I was wearing close-toed shoes.

Yep, it was a scorpion. I don't know that scorpions poop, but shortly

afterwards, I did.
  Stand tuned for more fun facts on poo........next chapter, "How to

identify your own shit and OWN it!"

Sing it Frakie.......

.Cool Water
All day I've faced a barren waste
Without the taste of water, cool water
Old Dan and I with throats burned dry
And souls that cry for water
Cool, clear, water

Keep a-movin, Dan, dontcha listen to him, Dan
He's a devil, not a man
He spreads the burning sand with water
Dan, can ya see that big, green tree?
Where the water's runnin' free
And it's waitin' there for me and you?